I’ve been out of high school for about two years now. I’m not going to say it’s been easy, because it hasn’t. It’s actually been the opposite. From figuring out what I wanted to do in college, to meeting someone who I consider one of the best people in my life right now, it hasn’t been the simplest of rides.
As I’m sitting here, I can see our Christmas tree that’s set up in the lobby of the hotel I’m working at (front desk of course!) and hearing the subtle clicking of the twinkling candle lights with the delicate aroma of heavenly cinnamon from the kitchen downstairs prepping for tomorrow’s breakfast. All of this just brings me back to a place I miss. It brings me back to those trips into Chicago to the German Christmas Market. The blanket of cold air surrounding me, the glow of the lights around the different city windows, and who could forget the way the hot chocolate counteracts the icy blanket and fills you with a gentle comforting warmth.
Every year, all through high school my German teacher (who I really need to go visit one of these days), would take the German Club to Chicago to visit the German Christmas Market [side note, if you have not gone, I advise that you do. It’s such a cute little attraction.] We would all get up early in the morning and meet him at the train station. Yes, we did get the whole fun trip experience. The ride would be a little less than 2 hours maybe at the very least. We would all get to Chicago and feel the chilly wind nipping at our cheeks and see the people everywhere. It was AMAZING, especially if there would be flurries of snowflakes falling down. Call me crazy, but I love it when there’s flurries [not a blizzard] of snow falling down when you’re walking along outside somewhere. It’s just so, picturesque I guess.
The different buildings envelop you, making you a small ant on the side walk. Some with manikins, others with shoes, and some with toys spilling underneath a Christmas tree. You continue down the block, still getting slushy snow under your shoes, and without warning you see it. The trumpets around the windows, the bright light radiating from within, the crowds of people surrounding the store. What is this? Some new Christmas wonderland? Getting closer you make out the familiar red star, it can only mean one thing; this must be the Christmas wonderland of Macy’s that you’ve heard so many talk about. It starts getting dark and your feet just don’t want to take you anywhere else. They’ve had enough for one day, especially because of the heeled boots you decided were part of your very own fashion story and were meant to meet the concrete of the city, but somehow you still drag on. You continue to walk blocks on end your feet sore and tired.
There’s one thing that always made it even more amazing though. I always had my partner in crime with me every single year, my best friend. I wouldn’t say we were joined at the hip, because that wasn’t the case, but we were obviously very close. I could talk to her about anything and I knew that she wouldn’t judge me, instead she’d give me her famous “Dr. Phil advice talks”.
As the years have gone by things have done pretty much a 180. Unfortunately of course. I mean I get it, we all have to grow up. Which, I honestly don’t mind at all. And yeah, I get it, people stop talking, people move away, people become someone that turns into a stranger, but my biggest question is why do people do that from one day to the next without warning? Is it something that is programmed in us biologically? Or is it something entirely different?
I’m going to be completely honest here and say that I do miss those “Dr. Phil” moment talks we had, and being able to know that no matter what I could turn to her to tell her whatever was going on in my life. Even if it was something as insignificant as me buying a new color of nail polish. I miss that. I miss having those few text messages every month. I miss the communication in general. It’s like she disappeared from my life entirely.
What can I say, I miss my best friend, and that’s something I wouldn’t openly admit to on a regular basis. I like putting up a strong face and pushing things that bother me aside, I mean really, there’s more important things to take care of in the day. But when it comes down to it, especially because it was a yearly tradition to take the train to Chicago and visit those little German markets, it hurts not speaking. It hurts knowing that this is something that could easily be fixed but still isn’t. It honestly just hurts not having my friend in my life anymore. I wish there was something more I could do, but there’s only so much rejection I’m willing to take. I guess I have to just live with it. Live with the fact that she’s now a stranger to me, and still hold these Christmas memories dear to me.
Whatcha Wanna Do? 